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Ask Turdwords Volume 19 Ask Turdwords Volume 19  View all volumes
Hello once again to this edition of Ask Turdwords. This is the longest I've gone without writing a column for Turdwords. I don't have much of an excuse other than I need a little motivation. Once in a great while we get an e-mail from someone who really enjoys the site and it'd be helpful to let us know if you enjoy the site.

That being said, being an editor of Turdwords is sort of a thankless job. We (or I) don't make a whole heck of a lot of money (and when we try to we tend to get hate mail from people who don't like the advertisers) doing this and is more or less something I do in my spare time.

So I do apologize for not updating the site more regularly. I do have 2 more Turdovations I want to do soon, so send me an e-mail encouraging me to get to it.

The good old turdwords mail bag is overflowing today and I've got nothing better to do, so here it goes.

If you feel like sending us a question, click here: Ask Turdwords.


Why do guys like getting there dick sucked??? My boyfriend who will remain un named thinks that it is the best feeling in the world but I don't see how it could feel good. Is there any kind of pleasure that you could think of that a woman gets that is close to a guy getting there dick sucked?? Just wondering because I really would like to know. Ty
Melanie, Va
Obviously Melanie your boyfriend has been a putz and not Played the Harmonica on your cum catcher. Once he has done that for you, I'd think you'll know exactly what kind of pleasure he derives when you give him a mouth hug.

That being said, when a blowjob is done correctly and not by a cheese grader the pleasure is incredible. You should feel honored that your boyfriend wants you to go down on his beef bayonette... just make sure you get your pleasure in return.

Do you no any words to call a girl a slut or whore with out calling her a whore or slut
Hey Billy, your dad was here looking for words to call your sister as well... Here's a few gems:
  • Slore
  • Village Bicycle
  • Bone Addict

    There's more... just search for slut and whore, you'll find them.

  • I heard a song called 'I snuck a reatard intoa sperm bank', and was wondering if there is a word for that?
    Fred from Florida
    Haven't heard of one yet, but that would be sort of funny -- getting a retard to punch his clown and then sneak his offering into a sperm bank. Cruel, but funny.

    i heard on the radio that some Scientist from the US and canada made up a word that makes people mad just hearing it is this true and if so what is it
    vicente plano texas
    Haven't heard of it, but chances are you'll find it somewhere here: Worst 100 Turdwords

    what is it called when your eating pussy and you slip up and lick asshole
    jeremy from doisey nantucket
    Guess that would make you a Sewer Chewer. Technically, you 'accidentally' gave her a Rim Job and Tossed her Salad.

    Actually I had heard that instead of them saying S.O.B ,like son of a bitch, they say S.O.D and I wondered what it stood for? Thats what S.o.D. I am talking about.
    Ronda, Kentucky
    You heard wrong, it is SOB. SOD has a variety of meanings. The one that comes to mind is Storm Troopers of Death, a Metal band.

    Easy, check out: Camel Toe

    what is an italian meat hook and what is an italian meat hook with bate
    Carl from LA
    There's only a few meat hooks on Turdwords... check out:
  • Chicago Meat Hook
  • Jersey Meat Hook
  • Milkin' the Meat Hook
  • Trenton Meat Hook
  • MeatHook

    They pretty much all have the same meaning and I can't imagine the Italian one being any different.

  • I am plagued by the walking farts. Have been for most of my life. I think I inherited it from my father. Sometimes, I get so bloated and try as I might to hold them in, they just escape me while walking. It's really embarrassing, especially when you are in public. Sometimes I think it is because my intestines are so cramped up inside of me, that when I stand up it's like letting the air our of a balloon. Most of the time they don't stink, but they sure can be loud and long. Nothing is worse than having a squeeker escape while at work. I just pretend it wasn't me. When I'm shopping, it's a little easier. I can walk slowly and tightly (but cheeks squeezed tighter than tight), to an empty aisle and let er rip! If I scuff my feet, that helps to cover the noise. Then I get the hell out of there. I was reading on line that it might be an allergy to glutten (wheat). So, I'm going to lay off the bread and see if that helps. Do you have any advice?
    I've been plagued with this as well. No allergies either, it's just the stuff I eat (lots of fiber).

    I recommend you check out Rexamillion Briefs and get his advice.

    However, I suggest you go boldly forth, letting your gaseous emissions announce your presence, like a human Fartrinome

    What is the word for when you wipe your ball sweat on someone's upper lip while their sleeping?
    Adam; Maine
    Nasty comes to mind. This is sort of like a Hitler Knob Job, but at least on that one you are getting a blowjob rather than having your guy friend put his Grundle Glaze on you. Either way, this Greek Ambrosia is just nasty stuff. Prepare to run if you do this to someone.

    Just thinking about odd sex acts when I came up with what may be the most dispicable sex act ever!! However, I wanted to make sure it doesnt exist yet. It would combine the felch (blowing a load in someones ass then sucking it out with a straw) then continue to a snowball (passing the sucked out load and any other collected fluids/solids into the partners mouth via a kiss). Just wondering if anyone has come up with it yet. If not, time to get creative and name this beast...
    Madonna in Toronto
    That was pretty intense Madonna, but I've seen porn that does that sort of stuff. I've read enough words on Turdwords to know there's more hard core actions than that. Try the American Midget Surprise on for size.

    Madonna, time to go back to the drawing board.

    How are words selected to be the Word of the Day? Also, can you submit a pronunciation sound file with your word? PS - Thanks for a great website, I can't tell you how much billable time I've spent here instead of really working.
    Hi Bulgarian... thanks for the comments. I sincerely appreciate them.

    Yes, if you want to submit a sound file, it'll have to fairly small (about 100K) and you'll have to e-mail to us ([email protected]). Be sure it is WAV format.

    The word of the day is determined in the order that the word was added. We may change that (or even allow people a chance to paypal us $1 or something) to move their word higher up. Right now, if you submit a word, you'll have to check back around the year 2020 to see it become the word of the day.

    i scratch my asshole with my bare finger, and some of my friends think it is gross. i do not, and i just wanted your opinion. oh, and of course i smell my finger afterwards. i think a lot of people do this but just do not admit to it.
    jeff g, durham NC
    Jeff, tell your friends straight up from Turdwords that there's only about 1 mm of toilet paper that separates your finger from your asshole, everytime you wipe. How many times have you been sitting their on the throne and gotten a Chocolate Nail?

    What's the end difference? You still have crap on your finger. If you enjoy being a rim sniffer, however, that's your own perogative (and sort of gross too).

    Wat happends if u are suckin a guy..like givein him a blowjob and he blows his load and u swallow it?..like can u get pregnet?
    Totally! How do you think the baby gets in the woman's stomach in the first place?

    My penis is about 7 inches in circumference and i get alot of bruises during sex . What can i do?
    simon . trinidad and tobago
    I bet that's not the only thing that get's bruised during sex, Simon.

    I suggest you get into the jizz bizz as soon as possible.

    I think you let too much bunk get on your site! Some words should never make it so 80% of the words on the site are just in the way. It would be much more enjoyable if people couldnt vote down words as many times as they want. You control the site so let people read about turdwords that are worthy so we can spread the new language without the burdon of shitty words from stupid people.
    A Real Fan from Kentucky
    Why is it that when I vote for a word, it doesn't always change the number of votes?
    How does a work make it into the top 100?
    I agree, there's a lot of bullshit on the site. However, there's close to 9000 words on the site now. If there was an easy way to remove the bullshit and keep the good stuff, I'd be open to suggestions.

    We used to let people vote as much as they wanted but people were setting up HTTP tools to pound the site, in order to make the top 100. If enough 4 star votes happened, it would float to the top 100.

    So we protected the site against multiple votes by the same person. Generally, you can vote once per day, so if you keep at it, eventually it'll rise to the top.

    Our backdoor tools need to be improved to remove words. Now it is pretty challenging for us to do it. We never expected the site to be as big as it has become. We figured maybe a few hundred words -- at most.

    What would you call the act of taking out your tired gum and just sticking it on a girls back while performing like dogs? I did this once, and the funny thing is she wanted to know how gum got in her panties a few days later while doing laundrey. She thought somebody spit it into her pile of clothes.
    Zayne, MO
    Zayne, I don't have a clue, but I thought your story was so funny, I decided to add it here for other to amuse us with. Perhaps we'll make a special section for funny occurence that happen during sex and see if it takes off.

    Wouldnt it be cool to take a shit out of a hot air balloon and hit the hood of a station wagon from about 3000ft. and see what kind of damage it would do? How much damage do you really think it would do if it were a healthy loaf?
    Maybe we could ask the fine folks in Memphis, as they own the word: Memphis Hood Ornament someone has to have done an aerial one by now.

    I suspect it wouldn't do a whole lot of damage... Depends if it was a butt vomit or not.

    My mate told me that if you cover another man's cock in clingfilm/clingwrap and then suck it, that this is not gay due to the clingfilm/wrap. Can you confirm if this is true or not. Thanks
    Stephen C
    Your friend is lying and if you did this you are gay (or have gay tendencies)... no doubts about it.

    My mate told me that if you cover another man's cock in clingfilm/clingwrap and then suck it, that this is not gay due to the clingfilm/wrap. Can you confirm if this is true or not. Thanks
    Stephen C
    Your friend is lying.

    Anyhow, that's it for today. I've done quite a few. There are more questions to do and I hope to get to them soon. Send me some fan mail, pictures of your girlfriend, whatever... cheer me up.


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