Currently 12,351 words
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 Ask Turdwords Volume 3 View all volumes |
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Do you have a personal problem or question that is plaguing you? Send it to
Turdwords and we'll get one of our experts to answer it for you!
Now on to your perplexing questions...
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I've submited the "bill [some polish name]" like 9 times and you keep shuttign it down... why?
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WENIS Wisconsin
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(I left the spelling intact on this guy's question.)
Once again, we've got another genius who thinks it would be great to submit someone's name
and hopefully see it on turdwords. I suppose there is a thrill in doing a google search
for someone's name, finding it on TurdWords and seeing a derogatory definition next to it.
My bet, Wenis, this Bill guy is your principal, the husband of a
G.I.L.F. you are interested in,
or maybe your favorite ass bandit.
Either way, my bet is this Bill [polish name] will someday write us at Turdwords and complain.
He'll probably have a lawyer who's more slick than a
greasy donut. Guess who's on the hook -- you and me Wenis. We don't want that, hence your word
went to data heaven.
Besides, your definition tanked.
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- Eddie
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When can we see the full video of RJ, the editor, doing that thing on the floor?
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Someone, Somewhere
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Sorry, we doubt this one will ever be released. The size is huge: 22 megs. Our ISP
would kill us. Trust, us, however, it is hilarious.
Basically, RJ went to a car / rap show and there was some rap band starting to do their thing.
We'll, RJ got into the mood and started doing his dirty jive.
Keep in mind, this was in front of dozens (if not hundreds of people).
Either way, by the end he was doing cock pushups
on a concrete floor. The crowds reaction was hilarious. We also have a video of him doing the same
thing at Las Vegas
Caesar's Palace.
I'll talk to him and see if we can't release a mini version of him doing his thing, but my
guess: don't hold your breath.
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- Eddie
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We have a problem with an evil neighbor in our street, he throws beer cans of urine,
plastic bags of shit, and other trash into our garden, and around our garden gate,
if he wants to take a piss he comes out on his front door and pisses on the doorstep.
He also insults us every day, and makes disgusting comments about us to other residents
in our street. What can we do to get revenge on this evil old bastard?
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Carly & Glen from Wales U.K.
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I suspect you are looking for me to provide some ingenius way of making this old
Backwoods Bastard reform. However,
it's 2004 now, and with all the trouble in the world, we at Turdwords.Com are working
towards a more peaceful world. Besides, my intuition is telling me that your evil neighbor
is looking to be accepted. He's probably a turdwords.com addict in the making -- he just
hasn't discovered it yet.
Here's my suggestion, get together some salsa, chips, a rubber mat,
a bit of rim grease and a few other neighbors
and break this guy in. Invite him over and show him our site. Be sure
the environment is pleasant, some soft music, your wife dressed nicely, etc.
Say this, "Hey [bum's name
here], check out this word... butt fiesta.
What do you think, up for a little action tonight?"
If that isn't for you, try feeding him some ookie cookies
after a quick game of creamo.
I am thinking he's going to go for it. He'll probably be drunk and if he is pissing in cans
and throwing them in your yard, his sense is probably a bit daft. If you can,
sneak in an Eiffel Tower.
Afterwards, while enjoying the chips, you can suggest opening a partnership for
a European division of distributing
Minnesota popsicles.
Maybe you can call them, "Siberiacicles." They are a big hit here in the United States.
If all goes well, he'll be your best friend. There's money to be made and
buttfiesta.com is available.
If that doesn't work, move, get a dog, or call the police.
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The after affects of a butt fiesta!
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- I did my best, Eddie
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