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Ask Turdwords Volume 21 Ask Turdwords Volume 21  View all volumes
Happy New Year everyone. There ain't jack on TV tonight, so I figured, hell, I'll write an Ask Turdwords. I would do another turdovation, but I lent out my camera and it came back non-functional. Time to hit up ebay or something. Last time I lend out my camera.

2005 sort of sucked. Katrina, wars, disasters, etc. However, Turdwords did well with almost 1.5 million page views this year. Not too page. Plus, we have tons of words -- enough words to last until the year 2020 or so for words of the day. For that, you guys get a present. Check out this: (Warning: adult link) Turdwords Christmas Present.

On the bright side, the White Sox did win the world series and despite a slow start, the Bears look promising.

If you want to ask us question, simply submit it here: Ask Turdwords!

Anyhow, let's take care of the questions...


Why when I fart is it wet?
dan computer
Sounds like a mean case of Anal Chowder if you ask me. or it might be the humidity from the fart -- in collegiate terms: Swamp Ass. My suggestion: Use an Ass Tampon so your mom doesn't have to bleach the Hershey Highway out of your Joe Boxer's.

what is a chili dog?
ryan Jamestown NY
Check out the definition here: Chili Dog. Probably the 2nd most submitted word to turdwords, besides the usual (The Pirate, Abe Lincoln, Blumpkin, Mong, and The Hitler). Suffice to say, it is a common definition.

what is ass confetti?
boone nc
This isn't on the Turdwords site, but I'd guess it has something to do with Tallahasse Twister or just diarrhea in general.

definition of cum bubble?
nicole jamestown ny
Check out: Cum Bubble. Looks like a combination of a Queef and a Cream Pie.

Does a foster child get to eat at a family resturant?
Jay F from Oneida
Of course -- there's plenty of food in the Dumpsters. Where do you think they came up with the The Dirty Rengel from?

Does Papa Smurf really have a 14 inch cock?
Jango, Australia
No. If Papa Smurf had a 14 inch Beef Tower he wouldn't be able to walk... it would weigh him down. At best, it is probably Baby Boner, just like yours!

Would you please consider accepting my submission for the saying of 'Monica Lewinski' ? I respect the rule of 'no celebrity names', but that cigar smuggler should not be classified as a celebrity.
Pirate - Atlanta
Sure! Just let me know your lawyer's name and your charge account so when we get in trouble, you'll be the first to know!

How do you get your word to be the word of the day?
CanMan Portland, Or
It is the order in which the word is received. So today if you submit a word, you should check back, in say, 20 years and it'll be the word of the day! Or, if you are a hot chick, send me a pic of your Valley of pleasure with Turdwords written in lipstick on it and I'll see it becomes the word of the week! Seriously.

We all like to suck on male gooch and I was wondering if there is any nutritional value by doing so? Teddy likes to squat over my face while I suck away and Jack likes to help me sometimes but he usually gets distracted by Teddys balls and works on them for a while
TeddyJackEddie My neighbors bushes!
Ahh... the fine pleasures of the Grundel area. To be one of the few who have experienced a Terrier Tickler. But who am I kidding, you guys are Testicle Miners.

There's not a lot of nutrional value in the taint area. If you are lucky, Teddy doesn't do a good job of wiping and he produces a lot of Kling ons, you might get some undigested Mexican food or maybe a nibble of Brown Corn Cob. For dairy, you'll have plenty: fummunda cheese builds strong bones and teeth!

However, I suggest plenty of water, as it can be a bit salty down there, with all that sweat. Too much sodium kills.

How come human are the only creature that has to wipe there asses? I enjoy wiping my ass almost as much as I enjoy wiping my boyfriends but its a honest question from and honest fag!
Good point Bleeks. Perhaps we should all discontinue wiping our asses and have our mates pick out the fart crumbs. Just like monkeys! If you are single, you could always do what your dog does: drag it's ass on the carpeting and then sniff it.

If someone has anal sex, will there butthole eventually retract back to normal?
dave, ga
Perhaps once or twice, but once you go into the realm of Angry Starfish, there's no turning back.

Seriously, if you've taken a mighty crap, like a Hog Log, you are going to recover, though.

I don't know what "wantcha" means. I have a fucking hunger to study slang and turdwords. I am a learner of English. Different from my schoolmates, I like use slang and F words very much. my email: XXXXX (the first is a digit.)
Francis from the fucking Taiwan
In America, "wantcha" is another term for a Charleston Chew. It's polite and should be used as much as possible. It's like saying 'dude!'.

And if you believe that than I've got some Ocean Front Property in Arizona to sell ya...

whats the best way to meet a nice person and make it work
dora at home
Go into any bar in a wheel chair and announce that you are a Ramp Tramp. You'll get the pity factor, you'll be hotter than most handicap people and you'll always get the pornstar parking space.

Seriously, it takes time and patience to meet the right person. Just get out there. Otherwise you are going to come off as a nerd screw.

Also inlist your friends in the search for a mate. These aren't the folks you get together and play Awful Waffle with. These are the ones that'll cover you if you are having a 3-way and accidentally do a Menegie Dookie.

Hang tough, submit a word and do what I told CanMan to do (above)

We like to give each other rimjobs especially after a hard day of work in the middle of July. Is there a home remedy to freshen your breath after we munch the hole?
Back at it TJE? Try this helpful suggestion: Ivory Mouthwash, should work especially after an evening of Fart Toker.

We just all gave an elephant a triple rimjob simply because its sweet asshole was large enough for all of us at the same time so we took advantage.Our question is whats the best technique to getting those buckets of delicious elephant cum out?We are trying to rimjob it out but it seems to not only get the elephant hard but all three of us too?We want the nut so do you have any suggestions?
Leave the elephant alone, Dad, and get with your office 'buds' and do the Elephant Walk or keep it tame and play a game of Man-Jam Toast.

how long does it take for you to review a word before putting it in the dictionary?
I was bad in December and it took about 2 - 3 weeks. I am trying to be better and right now they are taking 3 days or less. Hopefully people will submit quality words and not shit, as it takes time to weed and read them.

I am pissed off that people try and pretend to be me when posting comments. I know that I am pretty much the best poster on this site and that people want to be me, that is understandable, but don't use my name. If you use my name on the word that I always comment on, I hope a comet hits you in the face.
We rarely check the comment sections. We might start including IP Addresses on the listing. I'll have to talk to RJ about getting a forum setup as you aren't the only one complaining about this.

what is a tahitian face mask?
mrs. petree
Tahiti Facemask, The

I need help. I was staying at a motel with some of my other boarding school friends. Some Abos walked by, and we being the elitest, racist fucks that we are, we decided to urinate on them. The next morning, the motel's pool was completely full of marines (floating turds). We didn't do it! I swear!!! And we got in trouble for it. What happened? My parents are not happy.
Tony G, Alice Springs
Sounds like karma to me, man or something similar to a The White Couch Incident. Either way you are fucked.

I'd probably have yelled at the manager and said, "Sir, some abels (whatever that means) broke into our room and stole our Cruddy Buddies and threw them in the pool and now I won't be able to have my girlfriend give me a Snork Pork! Our vacation is ruined!" and cried like a baby.

It would've worked too.

what is it called when you have a unpopable boil on you out pussy lips other than yuck and ouch?
Just to be sure, you might want to perform the Lemon Test. If it stings, you probably got something from a Poison Pen. Otherwise, you just need a good Pennsylvania Douche.

Okay, I am tired. Time to hit the hay. I want to hit the gym tomorrow bright and early and put in some long distance runs. Seriously (who would've guessed that your beloved editor is fitness-conscience!).

Have a great New Year and drop us a line and let us know how we are doing.



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