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Ask Turdwords Volume 20 Ask Turdwords Volume 20  View all volumes
Greetings everyone. Once again, I apologize for not taking care of the bursting from the seems mailbag. Much like a 42-year-old virgin, this sack is about ready to burst.

Aside from shitty hurricanes, a bad sunburn (courtesy of spending a week soaking up the rays in San Diego), and more shiznit, this summer has been not so fun. I got nailed with a running injury so I've been on the sideline for the better part of the summer (similar to receiving a Cornelius in terms of pain that is).

Anyhow, let's take care of the questions...


why can't some girls get a boyfriend?
Several reasons: Look in the mirror and figure out which one(s) apply, correct them and then invite your friends over for Eighties Night and a hot game of Creamo.

How about, "hey dude, can I give you a Mouth Hug?" or "Hey, you are cute, do you mind if I suck your Silly Sausage?" If he doesn't beat your ass, he's yours.

Just found your site, from where I forget already - anyway, it's really GREAT - will there be a print version? Thanks. PS, check out my recently submitted word, "Merm".
Mikus in VA
Glad you like the site Mikus. Sorry we have been so busy with other things. Yes we have considered a print version. We have received this request before and it is on the table. Hopefully me and the other Turdwords editors can get this rolling.

Thanks for your support.

what is it called when a chick is sucking your peice and you fart in her face?is this the chicago steamer?? it is the windy city!
The Snipa, Pa
This sounds like the antics that the boys over at Fart Hammer (warning, porn site) pull every day. Check out their site and see what they call it and let us know!

Is there a word for when a guy takes a dump, either in the can or outside on the ground, and then blows jizz all over it? Is there a word for guys that do this?
Cameron, Melbourne Australia
After you've finished making a Poop Island be sure to leave a White Cap and don't flush, so you become a Turd Terrorist.

Butt Cakes -- I guess a nice piece of ass. I would've guessed that it was a Saucy Rodger or something that Shit Eaters (warning, porn site) would enjoy!

whats it called when u poop on someone during sex?
There's so many definitions of this, however my favorites are:

Next time you bring home a Two Eighty Katie and poop on her (ala, Chili Dog) or give her a vegetarian hot lunch, be sure to show some class and perform a Cleveland turndown for extra points!

well i was walkin down the strip the other day n i saw a cheap hooker on the corner n i went with her to a small motel room n we fucked...i went to the doctor a few days later for a checkup n it seems i've gotton ghonnorea and genital warts as well as clhamidia. i was just wondering if theres a word that decribes how retarded n stupid i was or a word that says that the hooker was a guy?
jeromy vegas
Jeromy, I recommend that you perform a Escort Rebate as soon as possible. because more than likely you've got a case of Homo Bacteria as well.

how long does it take for a submitted word to come on tthe website.
boomshalaka laka
I apologize. Of late it has been taking a good week or two. I should try to do better. If you don't see it after 2 weeks, we didn't deem it appropriate for the site, it was already submitted, had poor spelling / grammar, or it was too dumb.

I love that you have audio examples of how to say a lot of these terms. I'd love to know more about the person speaking these examples. You got info about everyone else, but not the pronunciation specialist. Just a thought. Love the site
Doug in TN
Hey Doug, good point. Some of the audio examples were done by ex-turdwords editor Dan's brother and another by the other turdwords editor's friend (who owed him a favor). She's got a fantastic voice and I have yet to meet her. I'll contact RJ and set something up where we can interview her.

How do you think a monkey would react if I threw poop at him?
Rubber Nipples
Hmm... throwing an Ass Grenade would be great fun, but we'd bet that the monkey would catch it and whip it back at you.

Is it possible to see your own butt-hole first hand without a mirror because most people probably have never seen the sphincter without the assistance of the mirror?
Poppa Boner
I am sure there is some jack-off that's tried that. If so, they must be assbidextrous.

My girlfriend has really been pushing me to finger fuck her up the ass, which I really don't wanna do because my finger doesn't need to go near her shit- the disguisting bitch. So, I was looking on your site, and got a great idea- since i'm breaking up with her anyways. I could stick my finger up there and give her a dirty sanchez afterwards! Now, this would be funny, but if any of you guys could find a good shaft to do to her, i would e grateful.
Im in deep shit
Dude! What are you thinking? It sounds like your chick is a freak in bed. Why would you want to break up with her. My bet is your gonna break up with her and then you are gonna hunt up a cheap vagina.

I'd tap her ass and use her like a Cum-dumpster until you find something better and get her to try a Testicle Martini while you are at it.

Why does my ass-hole stink even after I take a shower? Really, I dont shit and fart constantly so why cant I get the smell out? Even my pussy smells good sometimes!
Vagina Lips Near Anus
That's news to me, my Balloon Knot always smells minty free thanks to Spincterine. Try it!

I swallowed a fart this evening! I was wondering if that fart will smell extra dirty when I fart it out!
Yes, a twice-baked fart is always twice as good.
what do you do in the sitiuation your where you've been friends with a girl for 3 years, she tells you shes into u and then 3 months into the relationship she tells you she doesnt know how shes going to feel when her man gets out of jail? She said she doesnt know what to do? What shoiuld I do?
Joe Florida
See "Im in a deep shit"'s question and my response. Same answer..

That's enough for now. I put a significant dent into the question database. Hopefully I'll get my act together and do more word validations and articles.


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