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Ask Turdwords Volume 17 Ask Turdwords Volume 17  View all volumes
Welcome to 2005! I know that's a little late, but what the hell. I've finally gotten a chance to take care of the mailbag and say hello to all the adoring Turdwords fans out there.

For a quick laugh here is a photo of what I did for my neighbors on Christmas.

Merry Christmas Asshole!

I know it's a little hard to read (I should've grabbed the ladder and taken an aerial picture), but it says "Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas Asshole".

If you feel like sending us a question, click here: Ask Turdwords.

-Eddie


what is it mean to 'toss the salad'
doghouse
Hey doghouse, this is an easy one as well as common. Check out: Tossing salad. I am not sure where the salad reference comes from, but tossing one's salad basically means to perform oral stimulation on another's anus.

Is there a song titled or with lyrics "man in the boat"?
Kathy
Hey Kathy... Man in the boat is indeed used as a song title. Check out AllMusic.Com for a track listing of The Lads from Macc: Live at Leeds. Allmusic is a fantastic site for all your music needs... It looks like you can also listen to a portion of the song there as well.

what does eat a girl out mean
Steve W Miami, Florida
About the same as Eating at the Y, or performing oral sex on a female.

what is the clear stuff that comes out of your dick?
Brett f
This is the precursor to Man Batter is known as precum often resulting from a Leaky Dick. It is normal and is used to transport sperm to your girlfriend's cooch.

What is the term for when a guy takes a dump while a girl gives him oral sex?
Kelly, Smoketown, PA
Another easy one, it's a blumpkin.

Hi, can you set up an RSS feed for your word of the day? Thanks!
M
Huh? Let us know what this is and maybe we'll do it.

Dear Eddie - About my English midterm. It's a 25 question multiple choice test midterm. If you wrote it, the same question would show up again and again, and I could probably pick the correct answer (that would appear 25 times, every time) from the 75 distractors (that would all be different.) My English teacher is Miss Heebner, but she probably wouldn't understand the noun "Fresh Prince" very well, even though she'd like the idea of having tests on line. You picked a good Random generator BTW. I haven't tried to use the random number features in VB.net/ASP.net yet.
noni mous in pay stall #3
Okay, I deserve that one for the shit job I did on the quiz generator a while back. Ass kicking dutifully received. Let us speak of it no more.

I just got out of an interesting relationship with a nanny. She's 27 years old, takes care of a couple of rich kids, and she makes a hell of a lot of money. We hooked up three months ago, and it was sort of weird, because she lives right there on the same property as her employer (in a separate carriage house). Anyway, the deal is that she was like Mary Poppins during the day, when she was taking care of these kids---but at night, she was like a freak in bed. We got into bondage, S&M, knives, and even some kind of weird voyeurism (her older, married sister would listen to us on the phone). She liked playing "horsey," riding around on my back, then whacking me off while I was on all fours. This girl had me pissing in her face over a salad bowl, okay? Next morning, she strolls across the courtyard to the main house, and she's all Mary Poppins and Raffi again with these little kids. I mean, I'm glad she can distinguish between appropriate and inappropriate behavior, but...I got the feeling that this shit was a little bit sick. What do you call that kind of perversion?
P. E. Tamborello
Sounds like a freaking fantasy to me. There's that one song that says, "I want a freak in the bedroom but a lady on the street" -- dude, you scored it. I wouldn't complain about a thing and enjoy the ride. Your in!

You only have a definition of a wookie nookie.. But, what do the word nookie mean? Please tell me, cause I'm not quite sure...
Nina, Denmark
For laughs, readers, check out Wookie Nookie. I hadn't seen it in a while and it's pretty funny.

Nina, in America, nookie is referred to as sex. Plain and simple.


Is there any way possible to get kids like ColinC banned? Or at least, have this be a "registered user" site where immature children like ColinC can't forge the names of otherwise fun-loving Turdwordists? Guys like him ruin the whole site.
Lyle
A this point there isn't much I can do. Perhaps we'll start a forum but your best bet is to ignore him... eventually he'll go away. Otherwise, the other option is to delete user comments all together.

'The expression,"Spurt a Geezer" ring any bells? I heard it only once and was just wondering.Thanks.
wicka,NH
Not sure. It sort of sounds like Busting a nut, yet it also sounds like moan bone. Take your pick unless you see / hear an official definition elsewhere.

What is it called when you shit and wack off at the same time?
Nate & Phoenix
This is Pulling a #3 as well as Jerkin' while Squirtin'.

Me and my friends were browsing your page and discovered that a word that we came up with was taken but the current discription just doesn't do it justice the word is "Beached whale" and with our combined intelligence we came up with the process to beach a whale: step 1: turn off water to toilet step 2: flush until bowl is empty step 3: take the hugest shit of your life discard ass paper anywhere but toilet to not camoflage the beached whale. you need to set the records straight thank you please email me back at onlyjames@XXXXX.com
james, va
A Beached whale is an interesting definition. I would've guessed it was a fat person who had passed out on too much figgy pudding.

However, your definition mirrors an Upperdecker, which is the far more common term.


How come women don't make bubbles when they pee?
OralRobert, New York
I am not going to answer this one. Shit, women have more air up there, so you'd figure that they would generate more bubbles.

Ladies, any help here? Just send your answer to the askturdwords link.


This takes care of a lot of the questions. There are a few more, but I'll get to them next time. Thanks for writing and have a fantastic / crapulastic 2005.

-Eddie


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