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Ask Turdwords Volume 14 Ask Turdwords Volume 14  View all volumes
Gosh, how long has it been? Last time I remember taking care of the Ask Turdwords mail sack, I was heading off to northern Michigan (Cheybogan to be specific) for a week with mom and pops. Then I was off to the west coast for a friend's wedding.

So now you are asking, "Got any photos?". Well, as a matter of fact, I do. I won't show you the pics of the bridesmaids or anything, but just me. So here it is...

Me at a Scottish Wedding
Your Webmaster, cute?

So now you are probably thinking that the webmaster is a Peter Puffer, but nothing could be further from the truth. It's just me acting like Groundskeeper Willy. But if you think I am Poo Bash Pirate, I'll send the groom after you:

The Groom
The Groom

Anyhow, on with the business at hand.

If you feel like sending us a question, click here: Ask Turdwords. -Eddie

demonstrate australian kiss
sohail khan
Sorry, no can do. I wish I could show you that sort of stuff, but our hosting rules prevent it. If you want, go to google.com and type in "cunnilingus" and you'll find what you are looking for.

Are any of the people who come up with the turd words gay? It seems as if some of the words are invented by gay sickos.
Bitchsucker, Detroit
I wouldn't be surprised if there are a fair amount of gay people that come to Turdwords. They enjoy dirty humor just as much as the heteros do. But there's a lot of twisted heterosexuals out there as well For instance, just check out Sick Charlie.

But let's face it, the majority of the sexual words on this site could apply to either a man / woman relationship as well a homosexual relationship.

Whatever your preferences are have fun with the site.

What is a good definition for "sack of crap"?
J - UK
How about a bag that is used to hold feces? Not good enough? How about the "Device that is used to deliver a Sack Lunch".

However, I think you mean that it is a person who is worthless, so here's my definition, "A person who is inadequate in one way or another." Example: "Johnny is pathetic at basketball -- what a sack of crap."

What does it mean... "I poke my head out of the gutter for one freakin' second and fate shovels shit in my face!"?
Ziv, Hong Kong
Greets there Ziv. I imagine something was lost in translation on this expression for you over there in Hong Kong. Basically, it means that just as you think you are overcoming something troubling in your life, fate basically force feeds you another Love Brownie.

Imagine taking a chick home from a bar (and you haven't scored for a while) and you are going for Brown eye and just about when you are ready to blow your load, she either gives you a Chunky Monkey or makes you lick her Rusty Butter. That's what that expression is sort of like.

Glad to help spread the knowledge of English idioms to Asia.

it's always the same with south park...whenever kenny says somehting that isn't important, i can understand him perfectly, but whenever he says somethin ya need to hear word for word, i lose it!.......in season 4, he tells the guys what fingerbanging is, and i lose it right after "its when you take your finger and you stick it...." help me out amigos!

Brad -- use your noggin! That's Comedy Central's way of censoring the word. They aren't going to tell you what fingerbanging is on TV. The FCC would come down on them like two horny lesbians doing the Raging Unicorn.

To give you a clue as to what fingerbanging means, check out Fire in the Holes. No need to say thanks.

There is a band called Nerf Herder(an excellent band if you haven't hear them). In a song called New Jersey Girl, the lead singer refers to getting a ying-ling. What exactly is a ying ling? I searched your site for it and couldn't find it. I figured you might know.
JizzMasterZero from Montana
Nope, haven't heard of that word before. Could be someone's pet name for their love plank or their minky.

Google didn't find anything either. I suggest getting on their fan board and asking someone there and then let us know.

wuts it called when you finger a girl wiht three fingers?
saucymelon, arizona
Couple of words fit the bill:

  • Super Shocker
  • The Shocker Special
  • Shocker.

    Finally, Bowling.

    Whew, that was easy.

  • Do you have any ideas on how to make a homemade vibrator? My hands get tired after awhile... =)
    Jess from Pa
    Try using a Factory Rod or a Steely Dan.

    Better yet, give it up and find a boyfriend!

    What the fuck! Why would you want to give your girlfriend a Golden Lobster? This is a double whammy on the old Tossing Salad routine.

    It's very much like a Rusty Trombone, but this is a chick we are talking about... Gosh this is bad... but I think I've come up with the word -- just for you!

    Rusty Lobster.

    Is Danza Slap against your no celeb rule?
    Stiffy Or
    I get this word about once a week and it always gets deleted. In short, yes, our lawyers have warned us about using celebrities. Ultimately, we are protecting you too, because as a submitter to the site, you are also risking yourself (we record IP addresses / date / time) on your submission. These days you can't be too careful.

    if you jiz on someones face, will they grow a mustacke?

    Come on Stefan... if that was the case, all the female porn stars would be sporting goatee's.

    Shit, we all know Manicillan doesn't cause hair growth, causing insanity and blindness (hey, who turned out the lights!)

    When you have sexual intercourse for the first time does that mean your cherry popped?
    Sara of Long Beach

    The cherry popped means that a woman's hymen has been broken, which will be broken when she performs a Blitzkrieg Bop during intercourse (if it hasn't broken naturally before hand).

    By the way, if you are from Long Beach, CA, I grew up near there long time ago. Love the city. Go 49-ers.

    where did you come up with the idea of the turdwords? The only one thing that i do not understand about the turwords is why you have so many about sex and stuff I personally think that you should have another seperate site for "sex words" but that is my persoanl opinion. I jusy want to know where the idea came about. Thanks a lot. Erica
    erica ohio
    Okay, first some history on Turdwords. Well, one of our former editors, Danny, walked around the our place of work and called everyone Jerkfaces. It was funny because it was unusual and goofy. So everyday, a group of us would make up words, like Bastroid and Fart Toker. These all were non-sexual words, but funny none-the-less.

    RJ was into making websites and has several successful ones. He suggested we make a site about the words we make up. I thought it would never fly. I figured Dan would get tired of it and it would rely upon me to make up words every day for the word of the day. I also didn't want to maintain it daily (I already run a few other professional sites).

    So we opened it up to anyone to help us create the dictionary. Unfortunately, it has drifted from poop and fart noises to more sexual crap. At first we weren't too happy about it, but we got to go where the audience wants us to go. Today, we get well over 10000 page views daily (after the super bowl commerical with the Mr. Felcher in 2002, we had over 25,000 page views).

    So there you have it. Now, Erica, if I could only make money on this sort of stuff, I'd gladly start more SexWords.Com and stuff like that. But right now Turdwords makes zilch and my motivation to grow it isn't there.

    Perhaps I should do the paypal.com donation bit?

    Glad you like the site Erica.

    I think you need a pic section to your site, so we can send in photos that best show off words we send in.... Sound good?
    druT Toronto, Canada
    Go for it. I'll make a section if you help supply the photos. Here's the deal:

  • The photo has to be yours -- do not steal it from another site.
  • Email it to me at Turdwords
  • No nudity or sex.
  • Your picture becomes the property of Turdwords.com.

    I'll see what I can do as I have had some ideas as well.

  • Your random number generator is hosed when I try to take the TW Quiz. How many ways can I answer Fresh Prince? You guys should make tests for my history teacher so I wouldn't have to memorize all those dates. BTW, we are overdo for TurdWords #14
    noni mous, pay stall #3
    Sorry... I'll see what I can do with the number generator on the TurdWords Quiz. That was a hack-o-rama that I put in.

    Say no more on the Ask Turdwords #14.

    What is it called when you take a really long shit and then you look in the toilet and there is nothing there?
    Derek, Fl
    This is commonly referred to as a Ghost Shit or a Ghost Turd. To see if you really went, be sure to check for a Ghost Wipe.

    What is the meaning to "chuby"
    Japinho _ Brazil
    It means the process of getting a boner, see: Chubby.

    Okay guys and gals. That's it. I've answered a ton of questions and so there's plenty for you to do. Get some pictures to me.

    There is still more mail in the old Scrotum Pole but I am done for now. See you in a week or two and have a safe and happy Halloween.


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