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 TurdWords.Com - The Chair Condom protects you against butt mites View all Turdovations |
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The Chair Condom"
by TurdWords.Com (patent pending)
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Imagine you are at a party and have gas. Rather than embarass yourself
you wander over to your friend's couch, take a seat and proceed to gently
ease your fumes into the deep, plush cushions. What's the problem, you ask?
You may think you are saving yourself from embarassment and others from
your stink, but you've done something far worse! You've just wound up making
your friend ill or even yourself!
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Butt Mites
are microscopic bacteria emitted by living beings whenever they fart. Once considered
benign and only the matter that makes up a smell of a fart,
butt mites have recently been discovered to cause: diarrhea, intestinal
cramping, scratchius buttholica, and even under extreme conditions:
AIDS, SARS, SIDS, stroke, sexual dysfunctions, balding and chronic masterbation.
Worse, they can live in cushions, beds, even church pews for hours after they have been
deposited from a host.
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Our scientists have determined that Butt Mites live to reproduce. A single
infection can spread from a carrier and infect an entire office or family within 24 hours.
Our initial studies have indicated that a single fart can expel up to 100 million mites.
Worse, we've found that their size permits them to crawl
through jeans, skirts and underwear with ease. Think about it, you can get them just about
from any source: that restaurant chair you sat on, in movie theaters, airplanes,
even the chair your coworker sat in while making a phone call in your cube. Or worse,
the chair you are sitting on right now could be infected with a horde
of butt mites!
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Check it out. TurdWords editor Eddie is deliberately infecting an office chair!
What if you were going to sit in this chair, would you get butt mites?
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You bet you would! Just a 5-minute chat with Eddie would definitely cause a serious
case of Butt Mites. Take a look at the evidence provided by our special cameras.
That is one big invasion force! Nice work Eddie!
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| Infection is characterized
by an inflamation of the anus and asshole area on Day 1. It is promptly followed by redness,
irritation, itching, violent bowel syndrome (VBS) and
chronic gas. The mites reproduce rapidly, feeding off of
Dingleberries. As the
mites work up their host's colon, they begin to get picked up whenever their
host expels gas.
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| The engineers that work at TurdWords have their fans'
health in mind and we've committed all of our resources into producing a
product that will prevent you from catching this dreadful and embarassing malady.
It is the TurdWords Chair Condom".
The TurdWords Chair Condom" is made from a
reusable and durable space age polymer that
has been shown to block the spread of Butt Mites. The Chair Condom fits over
most chairs, couches, and even airline seats, to protect your anus from
an invasion of Butt Mites.
Now, when you are about to sit on a chair, you don't have to ask yourself,
"Is this seat safe for my seat?".
Now, you can sit on any chair without fearing for your health.
The Chair Condom" is comfortable, easy to use, and comes in a variety of
colors and sizes. It'll stand up to your abuse and protect you and your loved ones
for years to come.
You'll feel good knowing that you and your children will enjoy using
them as well. Best of all, it washes clean and comes with a 30-day unconditional money back
guarentee. If you are not satisfied, simply return the Chair Condom" for a no
questions asked refund.
To order yours, please send $32.95 plus $5.00 shipping / handling to:
TurdWords Inc.
Chair Condom"
324 Turdeo Way
Humacao, PR 02342
Or have your Visa / MasterCard card handy and dial 1-5NO-ASS-MITE, toll free.
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