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TurdWords.Com Turd Olympics
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Tired of playing quarters in your dormitory / frat house? Looking for some
new challenges and hi-jinks?
Well, boys and girls, gather your friends around and set a date, because
now we've documented the rare and ancient game of Turd Olympics.
It's going to take some balls, so no wimps here.
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Preparations:
First off, decide upon a date. Then select an ending date. Most of the stunts
we have described here take some doing, unless you are a crapping maniac like me.
We suggest no less than 2 weeks. Write it down (now) so there's no bullshit later.
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Object:
The object of the TurdWords Olympics is to perform the following stunts for points.
The one at the end of the duration of the TurdWords Olympics with the most points, wins.
At the end of each day, tally up and post all scores.
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Points:
Each stunt listed below are worth a set amount of points. Decide before you begin
if you need a witness to score a point or if each player can keep track of their
score on their own. Don't forget, you still have to post each stunt you did and
list them.
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Stunt 1: Points: 1
Take a crap in a toilet and leave it behind. If you have nothing better to do,
hang around in another toilet. You get 1 additional point if someone enters
the stall you used, looks in and leaves to use another stall. If you have time
you get 1 point for each hour that your dookie hangs out, unflushed. This award
is only awarded for busy bathrooms (no overnights at work).
You get additional 5 points if someone audibly complains about finding a deuce
in the toilet.
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Stunt 2: Points: 3
Perform a Dry Dock.
The directions are pretty easy -- drain the water out of the toilet by turning off the
water valve. Squat, flex and leave it behind. The smell is supposed to be
pretty intense. Do this at your friend's house or a fast food joint.
You get additional 5 points if someone audibly complains about finding a deuce
in the toilet.
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Stunt 3: Points: 7
My personal favorite, perform an UpperDecker.
This is another brainless one that will make you a legend. Simply remove the lid
off the tank of water on the back of the loo, drop your drawers and crap away
(don't let the water touch your ass). Replace the lid and go about your merry way.
This will eventually turn the water brown and cause a terrific stink. This is another
ideal antic for fastfood joints, ex-girlfriend's houses, or just people who deserve
to be screwed with. You get 1 additional point per day that your brown
cigar goes unnoticed.
You cannot perform an upperdecker at your own house and may not hit the same toilet more
than once.
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Stunt 4: Points: 1
Eat a can of beans and head to the mall and Seed the clouds.
Find a busy escalator or set of stairs. As you go up (or down), let an
Air Biscuit go.
You must have someone directly behind you when performing this stunt.
You get an additional point if the fart is loud and another if it is extremely
putried. You get another 2 points if someone makes a comment towards you.
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Stunt 5: Points: 1
Still can't get enough fart fun? Eat a can of beans or whatever makes you gassy
and head to the local supermarket, movie theater or convenience store. As you are
in line or walking by people, drop a silent bomb and do what I love to do for
pure pleasure: Crop dusting.
The fart must stink to count for a people. Again, you score an additional point
if the fart is audible and another 2 points per comment that someone makes towards you.
If you are particularly daring, just let one fly and see what people's reactions are.
Loud ones earn you 1 point, another 1 point if you get the recipient to laugh.
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